The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
