Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
