then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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