i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
