big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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