That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
