i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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