Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
