im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
