I feel great
I just peed on a car
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
