We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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