Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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