She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
