btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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