That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize