I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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