ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
