Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
