hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
