He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When are your genitals available?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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