piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
