Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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