I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
