Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
