Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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