I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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