Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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