Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
