i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
why is half of my head shaved?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
