He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize