Little spoons don't ask big questions
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
