I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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