I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
