Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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