tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
