Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
