so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
