I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize