Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
