Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
