My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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