Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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