you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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