she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just cut my nipple shaving
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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