I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
smell my finger.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
