took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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