I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
