what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Still dying that you shit outside
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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