How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
