I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
