Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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