New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize