Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
