I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
