She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
