imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
They are going to name an STD after you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
