awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
