At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
