Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just sent this text using only my big toe
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
