I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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