this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
