glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
