Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
