these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
