I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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