things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
