last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
