i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
