yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
