I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
