i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
